BH: Hi, my name is Mark and I’m looking for someone to be my old lady on the road. I enjoy long bike rides on the beach, singing song parodies, and drinking large volumes of sake at home. I am a jack-of-all-trades and work when the mood suits me but am NOT a hippie. Those interested must be willing to go on long, impromptu motorcycle trips to the middle of nowhere and can tolerate random acts of capriciousness. Are you the one who can fill the empty place in my bitch*?
AH: Hi, my name is Mark. Seeking level-headed woman who can take charge. Must be able to ride a chopper and shoot a bear. . . at the same time. I have ‘Nam experience, so I can provide protection in the form of an unholy shower of bullets and gore. Must be able to make meals from acorns, beef jerky, and anything in your pockets as well as carry large loads and perform first aid in case 1) hillbillies attack 2)mutants/ abominations attack, or 3)bear shot while riding motorcycle seeks revenge. Please send carrier pigeon if interested.
*In case you don’t know or forgot, the bitch is the sidecar on motorcycles.