Thoughts on turning 30, blogging, and the day-old dirty diaper

I recently celebrated my thirtieth birthday.  And oddly, looking at that statement in print just brought more anxiety about the turn of another decade than did the actual day itself.  As to the reason for this incipient unease regarding my fleeting youth I can only say that there is something intensely meaningful about putting thoughts down on paper (or, as in this case, on a computer screen).  Musings are made permanent, private discourse becomes public and life feels, well, cemented, for lack of a better word.  Perhaps this is why people blog:  it aids in constructing meaning out of our own days and questions of existence (for me, it has lately been a matter of identity.  Who am I?  Mommy? Teacher? Student? Gourmet chef?  Freelance writer?  Jack of all trades and supreme master of absolutely none?). 

 Reading through my blog posts has been enlightening, to say the least.  Aside from an annoying proclivity for longwinded discourse (sorry about that – I’ll keep this one brief), I tend to use the weekly post as a way to contextualize the readings within my own framework.  In other words that would make Peter Elbow proud, I write to figure out what meaning the text holds for my current situation as a teacher on hiatus, temporarily pursuing a different career (though one that is in many ways similar to what I used to do).  My posts seem to carry different variations on a theme, all centering on the teacher’s role in creating a community of learning wherein the student is guided toward constructing her own knowledge in concert with peers and current educator.  I value student-centered practices and assessments which connect the critical thinking skills necessary in expert reading to those outside the classroom walls.  I seek to inspire students to virtuoso status, guiding them to develop and apply critical creativity in the questions they ask and the thoughtful research in which they engage.  I hope to help them see learning not as a “read, memorize, repeat” endeavor but as a life-long, open-ended product worthy of revision and deeper inquiry. I look for ways to evaluate my teaching through my students’ eyes and model the meta-behaviors I want to cultivate in them.  In the end, it seems as though I take from the readings and synthesize that information which, when added to my teaching toolbox, will help me become the kind of teacher who embraces difficulty along with her students and leads them down the path to becoming better readers, thinkers and writers. 

As for the voice of this sleep-deprived mommy of an insomniac toddler, I noticed a distinct shift in the third week’s post.  I started to fear that I wasn’t sounding “academic” enough, that my posts were inferior to that of my peers because I was focusing more on personal experience than academic discourse.  So I changed how I wrote, and to be openly, viciously honest – it stinks more than a day-old dirty diaper.  I don’t think the last two posts sound like me, nor do they convey what I wanted to say as clearly as I would have liked.  I’ve since gone back to the real “me,” and it feels much better.

Reviewing my writing has thus helped me realize that while these posts are (1) an assignment and (2) read by my colleagues in the course, they are really for me.   They are a record of my efforts to make meaning of the course material and apply it in a suitably challenging way to my professional vocation.  They allow me to go back and review my development as a thinker and writer, an act which is integral to intellectual growth.  And they make my search for knowledge a concrete and communal undertaking rather than a cerebral, solitary act. 

So, yeah – maybe this is why people blog.  Here’s looking forward to my next thirty years of self discovery.   

4 thoughts on “Thoughts on turning 30, blogging, and the day-old dirty diaper

  1. LauraHills

    You hit on two points in your blog post that resonated with me.

    First, I can relate well to your thoughts about turning 30. I just turned 51 and even writing that seems weird. What I can tell you is that I am better now, I am MORE now, than I have ever been. Today, you have so much more to you — more knowledge, skills, heart, vision, even wisdom — than you have ever had before. In the years to come, you will grow even more. That’s a good thing. Trust me.

    The second point you make is the shift you’ve noticed in your writing to try to sound more academic. I have developed many voices as a writer and they are all authentically me. I assume you have many authentic voices, too. I’m glad , though, that you see that there’s no need for you to be your academic self in a blog entry for the likes of us. You have lots of great ideas and your writing is so fresh. So I’m happy to see you make this decision.

  2. jgreeley

    I’m glad you both commented on voice too – sometimes I worry that my voice on here isn’t academic enough! :)

  3. Professor Sample

    I think Laura’s right that you can develop many authentic voices, each of which is “you” in a different way. Maybe the real issue is you haven’t found your “blogging” voice yet — or you’re in the process of forging it. And whatever form it takes, rest assured nobody (or at least not me) is concerned with it not sounding academic enough.

  4. laurelchinn

    I also agree that blogging is strange at first, it seems so personal compared with how we have been taught to write, stilted, pedantic. I like it more now, am growing comfortable with it.

    No worries about being 30. Go slay your dragons.

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