Moving is hell. We’re moving after a year in the D.C. area, back to Nascar country in North Carolina.
But when God–and there’s a lot of him around in this part of the country–gives you moving, you make yummy movingade.
So, we’re looking at this as an opportunity. We have all these dozens of cardboard boxes of stuff, packed up and ready to…
Yes, now is our opportunity to throw out those bottles of vitamin E from 1993. Bye bye to those handfuls of Tupperware lids without containers. Those hundreds of plastic shopping bags we’ve been holding on to for years? Gone.
And forget recycling.
It’s as if I hold a personal grudge against these things. They’ve made my life miserable for so many years. They’re the reason why I’m depressed, stressed, afraid of terrorists, untalented, getting older, dying. And they deserve nothing less than the trash heap.
It feels good, for a change, not to recycle. Reduce, reuse my ass! Throw it all away! Screw the planet! Hurrah for the great globs of polystyrene polymers glowing forever in the nuclear haze of tomorrow’s future!